Getting a Low-tech Pension

The insidious profusion of electronic gadgets in our lives reminds us of a story about Frank from Mount Puddin.  At 67 years old, he reduced his working hours, and wondered if he'd be eligible for a part pension.  So he dropped into the local Pensions and Benefits Office to enquire.  After a short wait in the queue of dole bludgers, he was greeted by a charming young lady called Shell-bee who asked how she could help him.  When he posed his question, she answered agreeably that all he had to do was fill in the appropriate form online and he would get an answer almost immediately.

Frank:  Online?
Shell-bee:  Yes, just go to our website and you'll find the form there under 'Pensions'.
Frank:  But I'm not online.  I don't have a computer.

Stunned silence met this last remark - in fact, Frank was pretty sure that a hush fell over the whole
place as the small crowd of young dole-bludgers and pretend job-seekers immediately started texting and tweeting the incredible news that some old guy doesn't have a computer.

One young eavesdropper's reaction to the news was caught on camera

Shell-bee was at a loss, and became totally flustered.

Shell-bee: But...um... how...  I don't underst... What do you mean?
Frank:  Couldn't you just give me the form?
Shell-bee: We don't do....  I don't think...  You're not online?  Just a minute.

Shell-bee sidled through a door behind her, pausing briefly to cast one more look of bewilderment at Frank.  Moments later, she returned with her supervisor, Armressle, a very large Swedish lady with an indomitable bust.

Armressle:  What's this?  You don't have a computer?
Frank: No.
Armressle:  Well you can use your smartphone, or your ipad.
Frank:  I don't have those either.
Armressle:  Not even an android tablet?
Frank: No. Can't you just give me a copy of the form and I'll send it back to you in the mail?

The texting and tweeting in the room reached mammoth proportions, and several people were now taking pictures of Frank and sharing them with their millions of Facebook 'friends'.  Some were recording the whole amazing encounter, to upload to YouTube.

Shell-bee and Armressle looked at each other, rolling their eyes in disbelief.  But as there seemed to be no other option, they eventually gave in and agreed to print out a form for Frank to take home with him.

Everyone stared at him as he turned to leave, one young spiky-haired creature called Crippen stopping him to ask what he meant about sending the form 'in the mail'.  That was a term he hadn't heard before.  When Frank explained the concept of the post office, Crippen was incredulous.

Crippen: Wow, man!  How cool is that?  You mean you can actually send real stuff to other places without a drone?
Frank:  Yes - letters, cards, even packages.
Crippen:  Holy crap!  I'm telling all my 'friends' about that!

And as Frank left, everyone in the place was in a fury of YouTube, Facebook, tweets and texts, and some were even using their smartphones to talk to other people in wild tones about the amazing new gadget called 'the post office'.