Cynthia Bodice Investigates

Roving reporter Cynthia Bodice is always crashing around Gumtree Gully in her beat up old Ford, sticking her nose into everybody’s business.  Here are her latest findings:



Old Guy's Slippers Confiscated by Spouse

Henry Fiddle-Stick of Cowpat Road got some new slippers recently, $10 at the Kmart.  But they fit him so well, he kept forgetting he had them on, and was always wearing them to bed, and going outside in them.  Once he drove half way to his grand-daughter's wedding before he realized he was wearing them, and said, 'Oh bugger it,' and kept driving.  But walking around outside in slippers is not advisable in a horse, chicken and sheep infested area like Cowpat Road, especially for people who don't look where they're going.  Henry's wife was having fits every time he came in the house depositing several varieties of poo everywhere, including in the bed, and Henry became a slippered fixture at the hardware store, telling all and sundry that there's no need for his wife to get her knickers in a twist.  One day Henry's slippers mysteriously disappeared.  Henry is still searching for them, and his wife consistently denies the rumours about them being buried in the neighbour's compost heap.  Investigations continue.

Tomato Squasher Loses Job

30 year old Fripple Drain of  Swamp Court, Puddlepool, recently tried working for a living, when her mother threatened to throw her out. 'So I got a job at the spaghetti canning factory', said Fripple, 'but it was like horrible, man!  I had to like shove these tomatoes into the tins with the spag and it was major gross!  I was supposed to wear these kinky little like rubbery glove things, but man they were all slippery and weird and not cool at all.  Anyway, I got fired - it wasn't my fault that I kept sneezing into the tins, and like how was I supposed to know that some of my ciggy butts fell in?  I couldn't see anything for all the squashed tomatoes everywhere!  Nobody eats that crap anyway, right?'



Posh Persons' Cover Blown

Trombone Stink-Hankie Jr and his wife Loose Lucy Lou Stink-Hankie of Cowpat Road think they're posh with their made up double-barreled name and designer chickens.  But they're actually a couple of bums.

Shoplifter Calls Foul

Morticia Flap, shoplifter of Millers Bend, has set a record for being banned from every shop in the town. 'It's not fair,' she complained, 'How am I supposed to eat if they won't let me in to steal stuff?'  Hardware store owner Mambo Scratch, when asked to comment, said, 'I banned her years ago when she tried to walk out of the store with a whole roll of barbed wire in one of my wheelbarrows.  Since then I've caught her five times trying to sneak in the back door.  She's a menace.'  Morticia attempts to make a living as a starving artist, but so far she's only got the 'starving' part down pat, producing woefully inadequate creations that nobody in their right mind would call 'art'.  Her best work to date, 'self portrait with burnt pizza', says it all.

Beer Shortage Threatens

Sixty bottles of beer were brewed recently by Mr and Mrs Fred Sprinkle of Scudley Downs, but incredibly, only three bottles can now be found.  Fred and his wife  Freda have no idea where the others have gone, and believe a robbery has been perpetrated, possibly while they were out on the verandah drinking beer.  Ironically, a large box full of empty beer bottles has mysteriously appeared in a kitchen cupboard.  Investigations continue.