A Social Worker's Work is Never Done

Tony was in the Fleabite Plaza Shopping Centre getting the hinges tightened on his glasses at the ‘We Can Fix You Up with Spectacles Almost Free’ shop. When he had finished prattling with the female assistant, she told him the story of her boyfriend, who had left her for a rather nice looking chap. She didn’t know what to do, so Tony suggested that there were more salmon in the paddock. She thought he was probably right, and there were salmon of both genders, and maybe she should cast her line in a different direction - perhaps a nice looking girl, for a change; maybe slim and delicate or busty and dangerous; and she stopped crying. ‘Well, look at me,’ she said, smiling. 'I feel a whole lot better!' Tony thought he should leave before she asked him to recommend somebody.

Outside there was a young woman with a delightful baby in a slingy thing around her neck.  Tony smiled at the lovely child, who started bawling immediately. The very nice looking young woman shouted at Tony, ‘Now look what you've done, you idiot. Well, you can look after him now,’ and she stomped towards him, unhooking the sling. 'It isn't even my kid,' she continued, 'it belongs to my best friend who dumped him on me this morning because she had to go to an emergency yoga class or something, the stupid cow.  I hate her!'  Tony hurried away.

The hectic morning at the mall continued when an old man with a long white beard and very small glasses started to talk to Tony on a wooden bench by the bakery. He told Tony of a girlfriend that he had in 1930 who had done him wrong, so he hit her with an umbrella and ran way. ‘Don’t tell anybody,’ he cried as he scurried off.  Then another man, with earrings and prickly hair, sat down and whined, 'My kids are driving me crazy!' 

Tony rushed into the bakery, and told the lady behind the counter what lovely eyes she had.  She immediately denied that her eyes were lovely, they were just moist from crying over her bastard of a husband who had emptied the bank account and run off with some floozy.  'But I still love him,' she moaned, dripping tears onto Tony's finger buns.  'What should I do?'

'Oh god,' thought Tony, 'not another one!  Why won't they leave me alone??!!'

When he got home he told Linda all about it, asking 'Do I have the words 'Social Worker' stuck on my forehead, or what?'  She had the answer - 'No, but why don't you start wearing a sign that says 'Roving Counsellor: $150 an hour'?  That'll keep them away.