A Week in the Loony Bin

It's been an interesting week in politics, aka the loony bin, as it almost always is when you have a mob of buffoons calling themselves 'the government'.  So although these events may seem absurd, they're actually typical of the things that go on on all the time - and we're really not making this stuff up:
 

• The alleged Treasurer, Cocky Joe, who owns 3 or 4 multi-million dollar properties and thinks fuel tax hikes don't affect poor people, has decided that everybody, especially rich people like himself, should get an income tax cut.  He says rich people like himself pay too much tax (even though they have all kinds of nefarious yet legal ways of avoiding tax).  Meanwhile, he maintains that there's not enough money in the kitty to pay for silly things like hospitals, and wants to solve that problem by taxing health services.
• Joe's thought bubbles on tax didn't go over very well, so he tried to distract us by announcing that he's going to head up a new movement to make Australia a republic, even though his party doesn't want Australia to be a republic.  His Cabinet colleagues spent the rest of the week bashing him over his fat head.
  
  
  
  
  
   
• There's a movement afoot to allow same sex marriage in Australia, which is something most people don't care one way or another about.  But the Mad Monk, sorry we meant to say the Prime Minister, won't even allow the matter to be discussed, and has been dodging and weaving like crazy, to avoid having to even think about it.  He's a staunch Catholic, but he denies that his religion has any bearing on this issue.  His sister, a staunch lesbian, isn't helping him at all.
• The buffoons' latest plan for the environment is to prevent 'greenie vigilantes', i.e. people who are concerned about the environment, climate change, endangered species and all that rot, from legally objecting to new 'good for humanity' developments such as coal mines and fracking and throwing mine spoil onto the Great Barrier Reef.  'What business is it of yours?', they ask the Australian public. 'We're not going to endanger the economy just to save the environment.  But if anyone wants to object to wind farms, we'll be right behind you - we hate those ugly things.'
•  Have you ever wished you could hire someone to do the really hard part of your job, and get somebody else pay them while you still collect your usual salary?  Well, the so-called Minister for Education, Chrissy Poodle, has done it.  He's been trying to get a very unpopular bill through parliament for more than a year, but the Senate won't pass it.  So he's hired someone else to try to convince the obstinate Senators who are blocking the bill, that it really is a good bill and not the piece of crap we all know it is.  But most of these Senators refuse to meet with Chrissy's deputy. They've already rejected the bill twice, and they don't want to hear any more about it. So the deputy doesn't have much work to do, but he's doing it for about a month, and being paid $150,000 by the taxpayers who don't want the Senators to pass the bill.  Meanwhile Chrissy sits back and continues to rake in his full exorbitant salary, and sees nothing wrong with this, just as there's nothing wrong with him taking his whole family on really nice holidays, at taxpayer expense. 
  
  
  
  
  
• One of the obstinate Senators, Clive Barmy, says he's too busy to talk to Chrissy's deputy. And indeed he has been busy this week, making a short video in which he wears a bunny suit, apparently peddling an imaginary brand of Peanut Butter Jelly, which he smears on a mask of Captain Catastrophe, sorry we meant to say the Prime Minister.
  
  
  
• The latest opinion polls, like nearly every opinion poll since this rabble was elected, say the government is very unpopular, and would easily lose an election if one were held today.
• It's all too much for the Godawful Nightmare, sorry we meant to say the Prime Minister, who is spending the week hiding in a tent somewhere in the far north of the country, hoping it will all go away.  He's pretending to get to know the Aboriginal people, while explaining to them why it's 'too soon' to change the Constitution to recognize their existence.  So far the Aborigines have refrained from feeding him to the crocodiles, but we wouldn't blame them if they did.