Cynthia Bodice Investigates

Roving reporter Cynthia Bodice is always crashing around Gumtree Gully in her beat up old Ford, sticking her nose into everybody’s business.  Here are her latest findings:




  Cynthia Learns a Lesson

The Mt Puddin high school is using a driving simulator to teach kids that distractions while driving can be dangerous.  Cynthia Bodice was on hand to watch while several students took turns behind the wheel of the simulator, and discovered that texting, phoning, writing stupid Facebook messages, rolling joints, having sex and taking selfies tended to take their attention away from the road.  "Gosh, who would have thought?" said Cynthia, and on her way home she ran her car into a tree while using her smart phone as a mirror while putting her lipstick on while driving through a roundabout.  "Wow!  It's true!" she declared.

Greenhouse Stolen from Old Guy

Old Henry Fiddle-Stick of Cowpat Road recently decided to relocate his small plastic greenhouse, so he took everything out of it, and then had to lie down for awhile.  After a particularly windy night, he went outside the next morning to make sure the greenhouse hadn't fallen over, and was horrified to see that it had completely disappeared.  Reeling with the shock, he called the police to report the heinous theft.  But while he was on the phone, his wife spotted the missing structure, wedged sideways in a tree, rather like a big box kite gone astray. 'How did that happen?' he asked in bewilderment.  Investigations continue.

Snake Alert 

The residents of Winsome Ridge were thrown into turmoil recently when a deadly Brown Snake, which should have been hibernating for the winter, was spotted lurking, wide awake, behind a rock near Murray Bridge, only 40kms away.  Pepper the cat refused to go outside for days, and all four chooks huddled on top of the chook house, holding their skirts up.  The sheep (Maisie, Peter, Riley, Myrtle and Charlie), having nowhere to hide, hopped around in concentric circles, hoping to make the snake dizzy.  Fortunately, nobody was harmed, and the snake was last seen sleeping quietly in a creek bed near Alice Springs.




Cat Dies in Election Tragedy 

In a survey of one hundred people in Mt Puddin, regarding the candidates for the upcoming US presidential election, ninety said they couldn't give a stuff who becomes the next leader of the free world as long as Australia's current Pigheaded Maniac, sorry, we meant to say Prime Minister,  is voted out of office and preferably banished from our shores at the first opportunity. Nine people said 'Who?' and 'Where?',  and one old lady said 'Piss off' and trod on a cat.


Tell Somebody Who Cares, Sally 

Gumtree Gully's only known lesbian, 32 year old Sally Slimline, unemployed of Rodent Road, said in the supermarket yesterday, 'I am honestly looking for a witty, sincere, charming, good looking, thoughtful, issue free and less feminine woman than myself to associate with, and there are none to be found.  Where are they, I ask myself, mostly at night as I cry into my lonely pillow."  But nobody was listening.