Cynthia Bodice Investigates

Roving reporter Cynthia Bodice is always crashing around Gumtree Gully in her beat up old Ford, sticking her nose into everybody’s business.  Here are her latest findings:

Mayor Accidently Meets People
The well known Mayor of Mt Puddin, Harvey Hardcastle, considered by many sycophantic councillors to be the most important person in the town and possibly the world, walked through the main street last week drawing the attention of our investigative reporter Cynthia Bodice. The Mayor was heard to say in a grand tone, 'It’s nothing to get excited about, I’m just going to the butcher for some snags.' He was however, obviously pleased to be recognised by Doris the local bag lady, Bert the town drunk, and three other unknowns.

Millers Bend Woman Visits Shops
We have just heard from a reliable source, who prefers to be anonymous, that a divorced agnostic woman living in the township of Millers Bend, has placed numerous cards in the local shop windows. The advertisements are for a tall, good looking man under thirty years of age who is willing to support her and her four children, (plus the one who will be getting out of jail soon).  He must not gamble or smoke, but he should be a good cook. She does not offer any companionship, sexual enticements, nor domestic activity in return, but her ad does include a recent photo of her, which she had to draw herself because her camera is broken. So far she has received no replies and is quite puzzled about the lack of response. 


Bums inYorkey’s Knob Under Siege
Yorkey’s Knob, a delightful hills mining township which the state government deserted when the minerals ran out, has recently run out of toilet paper. The Mayor of Mt Puddin has declared a local state of emergency and has had Council table napkins, paper towels, party favours and funny balloon animals - leftovers of which are in abundance after the recent council election celebrations - rushed to Yorkey’s Knob. A tentative offer of further help has been made, but more supplies will not be available until after the next batch of councillors’ birthday parties.

Local Plumber Reveals All
A local plumber, who lives in the historic township of Puddlepool and who has asked to be unnamed, has declared to Cynthia Bodice that pornography is not more interesting than plumbing, and that what some people in his neighbourhood are saying about him is just not true.  Cynthia has taken a strong interest in the case, and is rigorously trying to find out what they’re saying.

Cat calls strike over cheese shortage –
chickens consider their position
Pepper the cat has gone on strike, and angrily refuses to resume doing whatever it is she usually does until her demand for a 50g a day cheese ration is met.  Management, a.k.a. Linda, insists that there isn’t enough cheese to satisfy such a ridiculous ambit claim.  “If we start giving the cat all the cheese she wants, there wouldn’t be any left for us humans,” she declared, munching on a freshly baked cheese puff.  A deadlock ensued, and Pepper was next seen in a huddle with the chickens, who also like cheese and are now considering strike action of their own.  Facing a potential egg crisis, Management instantly got a headache.  “If the chooks go out on strike too, Sunday Big Breakfasts and angel cakes will be a thing of the past, but if we cave in, we’ll be faced with a severe shortage of grilled cheese sandwiches,” she nervously explained to Industrial Relations reporter, Cynthia Bodice.  Negotiations continue.