Cynthia Bodice Investigates

Roving reporter Cynthia Bodice is always crashing around Gumtree Gully in her beat up old Ford, sticking her nose into everybody’s business.  Here are her latest findings:





 Farmer's Wife has Zipper Nightmares

Mrs Henry Fiddle-Stick of Cowpat Rd reports that since her husband starting getting old last month, he seems to be forgetting things, mainly to do with zippers.  One day he emerged from the toilet with his zip not quite done up, the next day it was half open, and pretty soon there was nothing left to the imagination.  She worries about what will happen next, and wonders if she should make him one of those smocks that country folk used to wear, just in case one day he forgets to put his pants on and frightens the sheep.

Naked Juggling Proves Hazardous

A 27 year old man of no fixed abode was rushed to Mt Puddin Hospital in a critical condition after police found him nude and unconscious beneath a tree in Dingley, with four oranges and a partly eaten apple. Police speculate that he fell out of the tree while trying to juggle the oranges while naked and eating the apple, for the amusement of his imaginary friends.

Crumbs!  It's the Collector of the Year Award

This year the Gumtree Gully Collector of the Year award goes to Gargantua Frenzy, housewife of the village of Limpness.  Gargantua collects crumbs, and always carries a dustpan and broom wherever she goes, in case somebody drops some. "I've got all kinds of crumbs," she says, "cake crumbs, cookies, toast - toast is great for crumbs!  Sometimes I make toast and then smash it, just for the crumbs."  Gargantua has two spare bedrooms and a large garden shed full of her crumb collection, and her husband has left her.  Last year's winner, Ziggy Prank of Toomankan, who has a collection of 239 cars with no engines, said he greatly admires Gargantua's work.

Cashews Deemed Dangerous for Older Folks

Harold Numbat, 92 year old fence-maker and sheep rustler of Yorkey's Knob, is renowned for the ongoing fitness and energy of his ageing body.  But recently his ageing brain let him down and left him in an embarrassing situation.  Harold was eating some cashews and putting his hearing aids in at the same time, when disaster struck - he put a hearing aid in his mouth instead of a nut, and chomped on it.  First he had to explain the situation to a young lady at his insurance company, who could be heard snickering on the other end of the phone, then he took the smashed hearing aid to the local audiologist, who laughed uproariously at the story, and reminded Harold what a 'silly old fart' he is.  Harold's new hearing aid will be ready to collect in a couple of weeks, but first Harold will have to go to the hospital to have the cashew removed from his left ear.

Enormous Bra Found in Miller's Bend

An enormous bra was found just outside the deli in Miller's Bend last Saturday evening. The off white 62EEE bra with contoured cups and reinforced hooks was discovered at approximately 11:30pm by a pair of Mt Puddin Community College students. One of the students, with blue hair and a chain going from his ear to his lip, said 'Hey man and that, Kirsty and me were coming back from a rock concert in the big smoke, when hey man, I said to K, what's that, dude, cool, it looks like some humungus bra, we'd better tell the pigs, man'. Mt Puddin police say they have few leads in the case. 'Unfortunately we have more questions than answers,' said Sergeant Dirk Doofus. 'Where did this bra come from, who does it belong to, how did it get on to the street, and what sort of breasts would require a bra of this magnitude?'  Police are currently looking for leads at laundromats and have provided local shops and the media with sketches of the underwear.